I have always leaned towards being a bit of a night owl, but recently the words night owl, can not even begin to explain the lack of (or inability to) sleep. Everyone and everything needs sleep, but it would seem that my body has decided to see just how far the limits of sleeplessness can be stretched...
Many nights I feel like I am in a fight with the clock, I will lay in bed staring at the ceiling, check the time and think "ok, if I go to sleep now, I can still get 5 hours of sleep." An hour later I check the time again and think "ok, if I go to sleep Now, I can still sleep 4 hours." The cycle continues throughout the night until before I know it, the annoying buzz of the alarm clock says "Its morning!"
In the last 3 months, I swear I must have set some sort of world record for the amount of late night infomercials a person can watch. I think I have seen every appliance, kick knack, or whatcha ma call it a person can ever want, need, or find useless.
Although, I must admit being an insomniac does sometimes have its advantages. It means that I have a few moments without a toddler running around terrorizing the house in which I am able to facebook, blog, or whatever... The bad news about that is that there aren't many other people up at 3am, so facebook is pretty dead, and there are only so many things you can say on a blog before you quickly become repetitive and boring.
Ahh, the life of a total insomniac... There is never a dull moment, well unless you count those moments at 4am when all the "normal" people are asleep and your bored out of your mind. Whether it's learning how to cook with one eye open, driving down the street with the air conditioner on when its 40 degrees out, or finding yourself asleep in the shower, there is always some sort of excitement waiting around the next corner (and maybe a little pain, if you walk into the corner)
However, despite all the excitement, there is one BIG downfall to being an insomniac, and it has to be the biggest downfall of all. It's bigger than the boredom, or the having to learn to function on very few hours of sleep weekly. It is the fact the being an insomniac gives a person far too much quiet thinking time. Sure some people might say, "Well thinking can be a good thing." generally I would agree 100% but as of the last few months, I would say that thinking is the absolute worst thing ever...
You see I have always been one of those people who tend to over think things. and recently it seems as though my mind absolutely never turns off. Even simple decisions like, "What are we having for dinner?" become a thought process that could take hours, and bigger decisions are almost never made. Most days I feel like screaming, "stop the world, and let me off!" but unfortunately I don't think the world will ever stop spinning simply because my grief has turned me into one of the worlds biggest insomniacs.
Perhaps one day I will learn to sleep again, maybe even make a decision. Until that time, I guess I will do my best to find the humor in wearing mismatched socks, eating cereal for dinner, and watching late night infomercials while blogging or talking to myself on facebook. Maybe I might even bring a little humor to you... Perhaps I should rename my blog Zombie Mommy I am beginning to think that would be a more appropriate title!