Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Stupid comments

It seems like as time passes, things only get harder. Sure, I have my good days as well as days when I am able to laugh and smile. But, the truth is that most days it is a struggle just to pull myself from under the warmth of my covers and start the day. I would really rather stay snuggled up all snug and let the world pass me by.

Lately, many people have taken it upon themselves to give unwanted "friendly" advice about my situation. While I do greatly appreciate the desire to be here for me, or to try and help, if one more person tells me to "Cheer up!", "Move on", or that award winning stupid comment "just get over it" I swear I may snap and stab someone with a spoon. So many people try to judge what is best for me, what path I should take, or even what stage of grief I should be in now, but the truth is, that unless you yourself have ever lost a child, you really have no idea what a person really does go through or deal with, and your dumb comments are neither wanted or needed.

I am sure that some of you are offended by the above statement, and those are most likely the same people who get offended when someone tells them to "get over" something mundane. These are the people who can have a bad day because they were late for work, lost their keys, or got bad news. The people who act as if the world is ending because of their bad day, but still expect those who are dealing with much worse to "get over it" and be there for them. I do apologize if my words or comments offend you, but will say perhaps you should question how your own comments make others feel.

Yes, bad days will happen, and they may happen frequently... I lost my child not my keys. My life did truly forever change, and will never be the same, even as I begin to heal there will always be a place in my heart for my son. Remembering him, missing him, talking about him, and being sad at times is NOT a crime people! These actions are the things that keep my son alive.

So before you get before you get on your soapbox next time, please stop and think, if you panic over your keys, your dog, or your bad day, who are you to criticize me for my feelings and emotions. Imagine the flood of emotions you would be faced with if your "bad day" was ended with the news your child had died....

I speak for many of have lost a child when I say, If you want to help try being a friend. Someone who is not over critical on a bad day, someone who can offer love and words of support. Someone who is not scared to offer a hug, or take a phone call. However, if all you have to offer is the other "help" then please move along, because your type of "help" can actually set a person back an entire day, week, or even month in their journey....


  1. You seem to be doing as good as you can. Don't let anyone tell you when or how to grieve only you can be the judge of your heart.

  2. Kimbra u are amazing. Day by day u will get stronger. Have faith just remember healing comes with time.

  3. I agree with ya 100%. There's a time & place for constructive criticism & in your situation right now, it's neither the time nor the place for any sort of criticism.