Thursday, July 26, 2012

FEAR....

Well it appears that my computer did not want me to publish the long blog I had written, because with the touch of one key, it greedily ate it, and swallowed it up into the black hole of internet goneness never to be seen again... Ugh! So let's begin again and hope that this post is just as good better than the last...
It seems that the topic of my post is a 4 letter word. Although natural and normal, fears are so often unspoken. It is as though expressing fear, is nothing more than a sign of weakness.

However, what if your fear is truly your strength? It has been said that you never know how strong you truly are until being strong is your only option. So if fear is weakness, and weakness makes you strong, then can fear not indeed be strength. It is like an endless riddle without a answer, a thought that when thought about too long can leave a persons head spinning.

Perhaps fear, like everything else serves as purpose, and holds it's own special place. A world without fear would be havoc with no cautions or discernment. People would simply do as they wished without thought of consequence. So perhaps fear indeed is a strength??

Consider your own personal greatest fear, is there not a need or desire somewhere deep inside of you to conquer that fear? Perhaps you are one whose fear leaves you emotionally crippled, but perhaps you have decided to confront your fear. In order to confront a fear, you must summon courage, and courage does not evolve from weakness rather courage is a sign of strength. So given these facts, does it not appear that perhaps fear is indeed strength which is only disguised as weakness?

Over the last year I have been confronted head on by a massive amount of fear... Most recently being the fear of the unknown. Several times in the last couple of months I have been asked the question, "Are you scared?" I would be lying if I said that fear is not in the back of my mind almost constantly. Perhaps it is that pesky inability to predict the future, but when you are diagnosed with a serious illness, the fear of the unknown is quiet a large fear. Many times you feel as you are walking off down a dark and winding road, the fear of what is in front of you can be paralyzing at times.
The what ifs, can quickly turn to nightmares formed in an over active imagination especially when given the quiet opportunity to think, but I have come to far, and been through far too much to give up now!
"Fear NOT for I am with you" I tell myself this every day, even on the days when I am overcome with fear, I remember that I am strong, because God is with me.  Although hushed and alone in my unexpressed fear, I am truly not alone. I am a conqueror, and I will NOT be beat! Nothing can defeat me. Yes, my situation is scary, and the thought of going through major surgery (especially on the anniversary of my son's passing) is terrifying, but I am comforted by the prayers that are being said for me, and the knowing that even when I feel most alone, I am not alone at all.

So you see, my fear is my strength! Through fear I have found the strength to lean on my faith and know that I will come out on the other side of this evil thing victorious! I may be afraid but I will NOT live in fear, I will conquer my fear and gain strength from it, proving to the world and to myself  that fear is  not a weakness, but merely a disguised strength. Having faith that soon I will look back at this fear, and realize it was only a small bump on the road to a wonderful and amazing testimony!

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