Sometimes, I like to make the impossible possible.
It’s in my nature. I’m a sloppy dude, who has a clean car (as of June 28, 2013, 9:18 a.m.). I’m a grown man with two Ninja Turtles toys on my work desk. And I’m a bulldog/linebacker shaped fellow who almost did a split in yoga class. (Yes, yoga class. And I eat beef jerky, so there’s another one.)
I decided a while back to compile a list of the five most attractive female movie characters in recent memory. Simple for a dude, right? Just line up Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson and Olivia Wilde and call it a day, right?
Sometimes, I like to make the impossible possible.
So I came up with five women who bear their souls, not their skin. Display savvy and spunk, not sleaze and skank. They must be characters of substance to make this list.
Anyone not belong? Anyone I missed? Let me know. As a dad to three girls, it’s also important to me to emphasize those attractive traits that have nothing to do with curves or measurements.
So, this is the new hot. Here’s my top five, with the champion crowned last.
5. Anne Heche as Dr. Amy Barnes in Volcano (1997)She’s a quirky geologist who believes a volcano is developing under Los Angeles but can’t seem to find enough evidence to convince anyone (but me).
She had me at ‘hello’
: After he watched her friend and colleague sucked into a fissure and burned like toast, Amy goes right back underground later with instruments to measure volcanic activity. Smart as hell and brave as a burglar. You have to love that pluck.
Clinching quote: “Well, someone has to!” Amy said to emergency management personnel who said they don’t have time to consider geological theories about a volcano.
What we’d do: Visit the nature center (both in our cargo shorts), have lunch at the Hard Rock Café, and then make homemade rock candy.
4. Jodie Foster as Meg Altman in The Panic Room (2002)She’s a newly single mom of a feisty diabetic teen who gets a crash course in how to use her new house’s panic room during an overnight burglary attempt.
She had me at ‘hello’: She does what it takes to keep her daughter safe, even goading the thugs with her kid-instructed f-bomb insults and propping up her near-useless, wounded ex-husband as an armed decoy. She panics, but keeps her cool.
Clinching quote: ”Promise me you’ll NEVER do anything like that!” To her daughter, after she used a lighter to turn a propane-gas weapon against her adversaries.
What we’d do: Pack Nilla Wafers, root beer and UNO cards in her panic room, review Grace’s list of bad words (it’s up to eight!) and their most effective applications, and watch Home Alone 1, 2 and 3 for stellar tips on tripping up bad guys.
3. Kate Beckinsale as Rachel Armstrong in Nothing But the Truth (2008)She’s an industrious newspaper reporter and soccer mom (yes!) whose pursuit of a story to uncover a CIA conspiracy makes her a threat to national security.
She had me at ‘hello’:While she chased the story on Erica Van Doren (played by Vera Farmiga, who could have definitely made this list), she realizes she must protect her source at all costs, even if it means alienating her family and serving jail time.
Clinching quote: “A man leaves his family to go to jail to protect a principle, and they name a holiday after him. A man leaves his children to go fight in a war, and they erect a monument to him. A woman does the same thing, and she's a monster.” Rachel, from the slammer.
What we’d do: She could be my snack mom – I mean, my team’s snack mom – read the Associated Press Stylebook to each other on a blanket in a meadow, and I’d smuggle cigarettes in to her in jail to trade for conditioner and nail polish.
2. Bridgette Fonda as Yvonne Biasi in It Could Happen to You (1994)She’s a warm-hearted waitress who forgives a cop when he doesn’t have any tip money, which leads him to promise her half of his lottery ticket – just a cool $4 million, that's all.
She had me at ‘hello’:Yvonne, after she learned of her winnings, kept it simple; she bought the restaurant she worked for, gave it a fresh coat of paint, and established one table for anyone to visit who didn't have money to pay for a meal, but needed one.
Clinching quote: “Who wants ice cream on their pie? Who wants pie?” Yvonne, in her first grand gesture after becoming a millionaire, served the house dessert.
What we’d do: I’d smell her hair right after work (mmm, grill), ask her to read the diner specials to me on the phone, all slow-like, and I’d teach her how to hold a tray way up above her head, like I learned in my waiter days (I never dropped a tray!).
1. Amy Adams as Julie Powell in Julie & Julia (2009):She’s a young blogger and foodie who aspires to prepare all 524 recipes in Julia Child’s cookbook in one year, and even drives her husband away in the process.
She had me at ‘hello’: Are you kidding? A writer? A foodie? Amy Adams? She makes the impossible possible. Utterly attractive. And. She’s. Cooking. Even when the hubby leaves, even when she has to bone a duck, she’s determined to accomplish her mission.
Clinching quote: “It tastes like cheese sauce. Yum!” Julie, eating her first egg. Amen, sister.
What we’d do : Grill. Peruse allrecipes.com. Sit in a café with our laptops back to back on a table built for two and blog our brains out. Repeat.
The product of a dad who didn’t have to go to Vietnam after all who spends his Fridays answering questions for his kids, Eli is a dad, soccer coach and writer, sometimes all at once. He writes the blog Coach Daddy.