Monday, July 22, 2013

Mommy Mondays ~ Home on Deranged

It is once again Monday, which of course means another amazing edition of Mommy Mondays! Today I am posting a little late, due to technical difficulties, but the good news is that I am back on line, and finally once again the proud owner of a brand new (well new to me)... LAPTOP!!! I have so missed having the luxury or a keyboard...

Anyway, back to the real reason we are all gathered here today (to introduce another awesome guest)... Today's guest is the totally rockin mom of two super precious little girls, who just so happens to also have a sense of humor, and an awesome blog to go along with it : ) Today I would like to introduce my friend Melissa from Home on Deranged once you are finished reading her great post here, I highly recommend to you scoot on over to her place, and visit awhile. You are sure to find something to make you smile, as well as some super cute pictures. Tell her that the crazy lady from Mommys Rambles sent you over.  Without further ado I now introduce Melissa


Ten ways that having kids is like being in college



As a parent, you frequently find yourself doing things that you probably never thought you would. I never thought I’d have someone put poop in my hand, but I did. And I never thought I’d willingly give up the last chocolate chip cookie, but I have.

The more I watch our girls, ages 14 months and 2½ years, the more I get an alarming sense of déjà vu. And then it hit me: having kids reminds me a whole lot of being back in college. Here’s how:


1. You eat poorly. I’ve been lucky to get to eat twice a day in the last two years, and now, I’ll eat the scraps the kids leave behind. In college, I ate lots of pizza and Fruit Loops in the cafeteria, because my mom sure never let me have access to all of it I could eat.

2. You have hangovers. I admit I did my share of partying in college, and had plenty of hangovers, even on graduation day. Now, I feel like I’m in a constant state of being hung over – bloodshot eyes, tired, can’t think straight - except that I haven’t had a drink of alcohol in four years.

3. You pull all-nighters. When I procrastinated in school, I’d have to stay up all night to write a paper, finish a project or study for a huge exam. Now, I stay up late to watch DVR’d shows, work on my blog and just wait for one of the babies to wake up and need me to sit with them for a while.

4. You spend all day in your pj’s and go without showering. Frequently in college, I would wake up with 10 minutes to get to class, so showers were out of the question, and some pajamas can pass for decent enough clothes (hello sweats!). Now, yoga pants and t-shirts are my friends, and I’ve gone up to four days without a rinse and repeat.

5. You join lots of clubs you don’t really want to. In college, the advisors told me to join clubs to enhance my resume, while my friends goaded me to join social clubs, so I could have a place to party, even if I didn’t enjoy half of them. As a parent, you join Mommy & Me groups, playdate groups, preschool groups, gymnastics groups and then the PTA. But, I’m not much of a joiner, and I don’t like to get dressed to leave the house. (See #4)

6. You clean up lots of messes, if you’re the good roommate. When you live with others, you find out how messy they are. I would wash dishes, clean bathrooms, take out the trash and more. Kids? Have you gone one day without cleaning? Didn’t think so.

7. You console sobbing people. College kids sob for lots of reasons: broken relationships, bad grades, lack of money, rejection by a sorority/fraternity, and someone has to make them feel better. Kids cry for oh. So. Many. Reasons. Lots of hugs go out.

8. You referee fights. If you spend time with two or more people, a fight will invariably break out, whether physical or verbal. If you’re the moderator, you get to play referee. If you have more than one child in your home, it’s pretty much the same.

9. You have to discuss sex. I was surprised at the number of freshmen who had no idea how all their “plumbing” worked, and were unsure how to avoid pregnancy and STDs. At least with kids, I can spread this discussion out over several years and not cram it into an all-nighter in the dorm’s community room.

10. You clean up vomit. Oh, the vomit. Whether they were drunk or just sick, vomit has to get cleaned up. And the kids? Oh, the vomit.


See? I told you it was just like being in college.


About the Author

After a career as a reporter, Melissa Swedoski thought she was well informed on the chaos of everyday life. Now, “mumbling through the mayhem of marriage and motherhood,” she is a SAHM to two toddler girls, and is turning her investigative eye on the mishaps and misadventures of parenting and the marathon that is marriage, always with the emphasis on humor and love. You can find her at HomeOnDeranged.com or follow her on Facebook at OurHomeOnDeranged.


29 comments:

  1. Hehe that's clever. I've never thought of it like that. The hangover one is dead on!

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    1. Right? I can't wear my contacts on most days my eyes hurt so bad!

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  2. Thank you so much for letting me share my silliness on your site today! You are a wonderful blogger friend. :)

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  3. Totally like college! Half the time I don't know whether I am coming or going!

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    1. And the moments when I stop and can't remember where I was going and what I was supposed to be doing!

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  4. Life is truly a cycle huh, once we get to "old age" we than act like infants :D

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    1. Some of us just never leave that infant stage. ;)

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  5. It really is like college (not that I actually went to college). The nice thing about kids getting older, is that they start to clean up the messes. Which is great for me, because I totally would have been that rude, messy roommate.

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    1. I so hope you are right. Mine are good at picking up things if I stand there and watch them like a hawk, but they tend to get distracted by that toy that they totally forgot they've been looking for!

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  6. I went to college for only one semester and all of these things are 100% accurate. Especially the walking around in PJ's and no shower thing. You'd think you would try to look cute for all of the college boys... but no. You're free from parents (if you leave town) and nobody tells you when to get up, when to shower, when to get dressed. It was a beautiful thing. But not showering because of your kids just isn't as fun.

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    1. So agree. I became a total "granola girl" for the first three years, and then my senior year, decided it was worth the effort to actually get up and get dressed every day. Although for the life of me, I can't remember why!

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  7. Love Melissa's perspective and sense of humor. I never would have thought of it this way, but it's so true.

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    1. It was the hangover one that really got me rolling on this piece. And the poop, if I'm going to be honest. You'd think girls would be more interested in flushing. Sheesh.

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  8. Oh my god - so true. Especially the being in pajamas and unshowered all day sometimes. When I had one kid, I had it more together. During the school year, I have it more together. Summer? Forget it. I think you're spot on. I've had poop in my hands and once in my hair! Vomit too. Although my kids don't really vomit much - my college roommates did it ten times more.

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    1. I've been lucky in the vomit department as well. My kids have only been that kind of ill a handful of times, although I did have hot dogs and macaroni spectacularly vomited all over me by my 2 year old. But the roommates - oh yes, much more.

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  9. So true! So true! My de facto uniform is yoga pants and a Tshirt. It's a good day if it doesn't have peanut butter and/or sunscreen on it. (I've changed twice today!) And yes, some days being a mom, you WISH you felt as good as when you were hungover. Great funny post!

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    1. What is it with peanut butter? That stuff refuses to leave! :)

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  10. Totally agree... Oh, all the poop stories I could share.. My older daughter has certainly earned her nickname, Poopie ;-)

    I tend to get my shower every day, I insist on it, and we tend to eat well. Since I'm not eating meat, the hubby gets his shares of left-overs as well ;-) But I definitely know lazy days where we're in jammies all day long..

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    1. I'm really hoping that's the one and only time someone hands it to me. Really. But I know, it's just the beginning.
      If I was willing to get up a little earlier, I would get a shower every day as well. But by nature, I'm pretty lazy, lol.

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  11. That's pretty funny! It seems like forever ago that I went without showers and eating...my "baby" is 11 now!

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    1. So there is a light at the end of this very long tunnel??? Thank you for the reassurance!

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  12. This is so awesome! It's TRUE. Never before college or since, until becoming a mom have I felt like showers are so very optional. As in not necessary. And yeah. Poop and vomit. Probably enough said there. And re: the eating poorly thing - why is it that I've managed to gain weight?? I don't get it. I hardly ever eat sitting down...doesn't scarfing my kid's leftovers while standing up and trying to get him to wash his hands burn more calories than I am consuming?

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    1. Oh holy crap, yes!! How am I gaining weight when I feel like I'm running all day. Maybe not on the treadmill like you're supposed to, but still...running!

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  13. love it love it love it. all so true. i'm also not a fan of getting dressed to leave the house ... so overrated :)

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    1. Right?? This is why I love drive-thru. I don't even have to put on a bra, although I really should. :)

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  14. Hi,

    I gave you a shout out for this funny piece today on my blog. I really enjoyed this. Such a creative way of thinking about motherhood. I hope you will hop by and see my post.

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    1. I am so sorry I didn't see this sooner! I will definitely be coming by and then will totally brag about it and pimp it out all over the place! :)

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  15. Nailed it. Not having kids of my own, I experience more than half of these. Nice I have something to look forward to, eh?

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    1. You pretty much do have kids of your own, lol. But think of all the things you will be immune to you when you have ones of your own. Yeah, right. :)

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