Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Methotrexate day

Well today is officially Methotrexate day. Or as I like to refer to it - feel like death tomorrow morning day. This will be my second dose of Methotrexate which is a drug commonly used for not only chemotherapy but also for things like RA, Lupus, and other auto immune diseases. I am on several medications but without a doubt this is the one I like the absolute very least. This medication can not only be dangerous, but has several pretty yucky side effects including all of the ones you would expect from typical chemotherapy... Yup, hair loss.

While I am celebrating finally having answers to all the medical stuff that has been torturing me and forcing me to feel like a prisoner in my own body for years, I never realized that when answers came they would have already gotten this severe. Lung, stomach, kidney and heart muscle involvement. The scariest thought of all is that I could have continued seeing uncaring medical professionals and potentially died before anyone discovered what had been plaguing me.  It is frightening and infuriating.

Now that I have dusted off this little old place on the web, I am hoping to write daily. I know that some days it is likely to be more blabber than anything, but I hope to capture my thoughts and feelings of dealing with chronic illness while also beginning to once again writing in a similar fashion as before. 

This is my new normal... Chronic illness is my life for the rest of my life, and I can either accept it and learn to let it empower me, or I can try to run away and let it control me. I choose to let this empower me. I am a survivor  and I will not let this beat me down, I have been through worse, I have lived through worse, and I have defeated worse....

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